When the Holidays Feel Lonely: Finding Meaningful Connection

Do you ever look at pictures of other people's holiday parties and wonder why everyone else seems so happy? Maybe someone you care about died this year, or your friends aren't as close as they used to be. This can make you feel alone. The holidays can make these sad feelings even stronger. Research shows more than half of Americans feel sad or lonely during the holiday season. But there are ways to feel less alone and make real friendships.

When feelings like loneliness hit, our thoughts can often spiral into unhelpful patterns. Learning to recognize these thought patterns - what we call Automatic Negative Thinking Traps or ANTs - is an important first step toward escaping the spiral. Here are some ANTs that can commonly show up during the holidays:

• Feeling Makes Fact is when we feel something so much that we think it must be true. If you feel really lonely, you might think "I'll always be alone," even though that's not really true.
• All-or-Nothing Thinking is when we only see things as completely good or completely bad. You might think, "If I spend the holidays alone, I'm bad at making friends" or "If we can't do our usual traditions, the holidays are totally ruined." But life isn't that simple, you can feel lonely and still have people who care about you.
• Focus Only on the Bad is where we focus only on the negative parts of a situation. Thoughts like "Nobody reached out to me today" might show up, while ignoring that your sibling called yesterday and your neighbor came over to help you carry your groceries inside.

When you notice these thoughts, stop and ask yourself: Is this an ANT? Is this thought really true? Can I prove it? This quick check can help us recognize when our thoughts are intensifying our feelings of loneliness so we can step away from the thinking trap rather than getting stuck.

Taking Action to Feel More Connected

Behavioral Activation means doing things that make you feel better and more connected to others. Think about small ways you can connect with people. Maybe you could:

• Send a text to someone you haven't talked to in a while
• Ask a family member to get coffee with you
• Go to a community event
• Volunteer for a cause you care about

The next time you find yourself alone feeling like the world is celebrating around you, remember that you have tools to respond differently.

Getting Started

You can learn more about the tools introduced here in Learn to Live’s Depression program or you can learn more about your overall mental health and wellbeing needs by taking a quick mental health assessment. Do this by visiting learntolive.com/welcome/ndmedicaidexp and enter access code MEDEXP.